Western Flu script by Katie Heck

Western Flu  by Katie Heck
  
Western Flu Cast: 7 m, 2 f

Sheriff

Edgar

Deputy 1

Deputy 2

Miss Sunshine

Doc

Bandit’s Mom

Bandit 1

Bandit 2


Western Flu Props List:

Vault

Six guns

Blankets

Table

Chairs

Stars for Sheriff, Deputies 1 & 2

Cowboy hats, bandannas, etc.


Western Flu Scene One


(Inside an old western-style bank, Miss Sunshine is the teller, Edgar’s Mom, Mr. Sunshine, and Deputy 1 are in the bank. Doc is standing in line sneezing. Bandit comes running in.)

Edgar: This is a stick-up! Give me the money, Miss Sunshine! (Miss Sunshine, looking surprised, goes over to the vault. Doc is sneezing. Deputy 1 runs out of bank, exits.) Can’t you be quiet! If you weren’t the only doctor around here I’d, I’d…

Doc: Achoo! Edgar, what are you doing?

Edgar: Don’t call me Edgar! My new name is Snake! And don’t tell me what to do! (Sheriff and Deputies 1 & 2 walk in)

Sheriff: What is going on in here! Edgar, what are you doing?

Edgar: Stay out of this, Sheriff! I need some money and I can’t wait, now don’t move or I’ll shoot!

Sheriff: What? Shoot! Edgar, you’re not going to shoot anyone. (Deputies step towards Edgar, while Sheriff grabs gun away from him, Doc moves in between Edgar and Sheriff and sneezes on both of them.)

Sheriff: Doc, stay out of this!

Doc: Stop both of you, now no harm has been done.

Edgar’s Mom: Please let me take Edgar home. I don’t know what’s gotten into him. Sheriff, you know he is a good kid.

Sheriff: Alright, ma’am, but if I see him robbing anyone again he’s going to jail.

Edgar: (Whining): I don’t want to go home! (Mom grabs Edgar by the ear and they exit while 
Edgar tries to get away.)

(End scene, everyone exits)


Western Flu Scene Two

(Doc, Mom, and Deputy 2 are sitting at a table.)

Mom: I’ve never seen Edgar act like this before. He keeps saying he wants to be called Snake!

Deputy 2: Not to mention he has been hanging around Miss Sunshine all the time.

Doc: Well, I just hope things get better before the Sheriff has to do something dramatic. (Edgar enters)

Edgar: This is a stick-up! Give me all your cash! (Deputy 2 and Doc put their hands up)

Mom: Edgar, put that gun down!

Edgar: Sorry, Ma, I gotta. Achoo! Now please give me your money. (Sniffs, Sheriff enters)

Sheriff: Mornin’, everyone! (Coughs) What the! Edgar, this is it!

Edgar: I agree, Sheriff, this town ain’t big enough for the both of us! Achoo! (Edgar and Sheriff face each other with guns drawn)

Sheriff: (With a hacking cough) I told you, cough, cough, never to rob anyone again! (Coughs)

Edgar: Let’s pace off. (Sniffs)

Mom: Stop this both of you! This is silly! (Edgar and Sheriff turn back-to-back to pace off)

Sheriff: One, cough.

Edgar: Two! Achoo!

Sheriff: Bless you! Three! (Hacking cough)

Doc: Sheriff, Edgar, there has to be a better way.

Edgar: Four, five, six! (Big sneeze)

Sheriff: Seven, eight, (cough), nine!

Both: TEN! (Both turn. Edgar sneezes as he shoots and misses. The Sheriff is coughing so badly that he collapses on the floor. Both look at each other, trying to point their guns at each other. Doc, Deputy 2 and Mom get up. Mom goes to Edgar and gets the gun away. Deputy 2 and Doc get the Sheriff.)

Doc: Sorry, but you two are going to have to settle this later. Right now, you are going to my clinic until you are both better.

(End scene, everyone exits)



Western Flu Scene Three

(Doc, Sheriff, and Edgar are sitting at the table. Sheriff and Edgar are wrapped up in blankets. Deputies 1 & 2 are standing behind Sheriff with their arms folded, unhappy. Miss Sunshine and Mom are standing behind Edgar.)


Doc: While you are both too sick to move, I’m going to get to the bottom of this. Edgar, why are you going around robbing people?

Edgar: (Sniffs) I didn’t know what else to do. I just wanted to buy Miss Sunshine some flowers.

Sheriff: What? (Coughs) Why didn’t you just pick her come flowers for free?


Edgar: (Stops and thinks) I never thought of that.


Doc: That’s what this is all about?


Edgar: That and the gang I joined told me to. (Bandits 1 & 2 enter)


Bandit 1: This is a stick-up! Give us your money!


Bandit 2: Get up, Edgar, you’re one of us now!


Edgar: No, I don’t want to go with you, and stop yelling!


(Bandits 1 & 2 move toward the Sheriff, but Deputies 1 & 2 stop them. They struggle, but Deputies 1 & 2 stop them and take them off stage.)

Edgar: I’m glad they are gone. Mom, Doc, Sheriff, can you forgive me?


(Everyone nods yes.)


Sheriff: Doc, can I go back to bed now? (Sheriff falls asleep on the table before Doc can answer.)


(End scene, everyone exits.)