Friday, August 26, 2011

Behind the Scenes script

This is a peek at what goes on during our practices. Yes, we're weird. Yes, we enjoy it.
Also, Borrik Svenson and I have a 'transcript' (we took out the 'ums' and 'ahs') coming. It'll be up here when everyone reads it, hopefully this weekend. 

Behind the Scenes


6 chairs
Pick Me Up book
 2 plates of cookies
Whiteboard marker
Whiteboard eraser

(On the table is the Pick Me Up and one plate of cookies. Katie and Penelope enter and sit down.)

Penelope: Did you make that shirt yourself?

Katie: Yes, I did. I heard you fell off a ladder yesterday.

Penelope: I fell onto concrete!

Katie: That must have hurt.

Penelope: It wouldn’t have been too bad except that I was carrying an open can of paint at the time.

(Doorbell rings.)

Katie: (yells) Will! Adam and Robert are here!

(Will, Adam, and Robert enter and sit. Robert picks up Pick Me Up and starts reading it.)

Katie: Well, shall we start doing improv?

Adam: But we can’t do it without Billy.

Katie: (groans) It’s possible to do improv when one of the people in this group is missing. Also, if we do improv, we can have some cookies Mom made (holds up plate of cookies).

Robert: I love this book (holds books so audience can see spine)!

(short pause)

Will: Moving on…

Katie: Yes. Now, the first script we should practice is the first one that Adam and Penelope are both in.

Adam: NOOOO!

Katie: You can do it, Adam. It’s not that hard.

(Doorbell rings. Will leaves and returns with Billy. Both sit.)

Billy: Hi all. My mom said to bring these cookies to you. If there are any left, she’s gonna kill me.

Adam: So eat as much as we can hold?

Billy: Yup.

Will: (glares at Adam) Like that time we had cookies a few months ago and you ate, like, ten?

Adam: They were good cookies!

(Robert giggles. Everyone turns and stares at him.)

Robert: Did you know that Russia has more billionaires than any country except the US and Germany?

(Short pause.)

Will: It’s Whiteboard Anatomy time!

(Billy walks behind board. Will starts drawing lungs.)

Billy: They look like scissors.

Adam: You’ve got scissors for lungs?

Will: Had any stabbing pains lately? Now what else are you missing?

Penelope: Where’s his heart?

Will: He’s heartless.

Billy: What about my gallbladder?

Katie: Apparently he has no gall.

Will: Let’s see…liver, pancreas…wait. What does a pancreas look like?

Billy: This is very educational.

Adam: Should he have a spleen?

Will: Probably. He should also have a small intestine. There’s no room for the large one.

Billy: I should have a thyroid.

Katie: A thyroid looks like a flutterby – er, butterfly.

Will: Oh, you need a stomach. But since we don’t have any room, we’re going to have to put your lungs inside your stomach.

Katie: That’s some pretty severe acid reflex.

Will: Let’s see…in your stomach you have a whole apple core, a baseball, and a hammer. (hands Billy a cookie) Here you go.

Billy: Is this your mom’s or my mom’s?

Will: Who cares?

Adam: Should he have some butterflies in his stomach?

Will: Oh, those too.

Robert: Wait…what are we doing?

Adam: Hand me the book.

Robert: But…but…

Adam: (takes book and hides it backstage) There.

Robert: But it says Pick Me Up. (sees Billy) Oh. Wow. You are messed up, dude.

Katie: I hate to interrupt you guys, but Adam and Penelope need to start working on their scripts.

(Penelope groans.)

Katie: Come on, you guys. It’s not that hard. Besides, the sooner we get done, the sooner we can do improv.

Will: I thought that was what we were doing.

Adam: Me too.

(Katie puts head in hands. Penelope pats her back.)

Penelope: Don’t worry, Katie. Maybe someday we’ll learn our lines and focus and-

Katie: It’s not likely.

Penelope: True.

Billy: All right. Let’s do those scripts. Then we can go play Capture the Flag.

Robert: Do we have bandanas?

Billy: I’ve got one. I asked Bobby for the other one and he said some very mean things about me.

Will: I think we’ve got one. Don’t we, Katie?

Katie: Probably. But we can only play Capture the Flag if we do the scripts.

(Everyone else groans.)

Katie: Well, let’s split up. Will, take Adam and Penelope to the kitchen and make sure they go over their scripts several times. Billy, Robert, let’s try switching parts again.

(Will, Adam, and Penelope exit.)

Billy: Which way will we switch?

Katie: Counter-clockwise.

Robert: So I’ll play Billy’s part, you’ll play my part, and Billy will play your part?

Katie: I think so.

Billy: That’s clockwise.

(Will, Adam, and Penelope enter and sit down.)

Katie: You guys are done already?

Adam: No, we just got bored.

Katie: We’ll never be ready to perform! It’s in two weeks!

Adam: Who said anything about performing? I thought we were just going to play Capture the Flag.

Robert: So why don’t we?

Billy: Okay. Let’s go outside and pick team captains.

(Everyone exits but Katie exits.)

Katie: My brother was right. Leadership IS just like herding cats.

(Katie exits.)

Journalism script

I wrote this script quite a while ago and just got it up here. Enjoy!



About a dozen loose sheets of paper
3 chairs

(Sue enters and sits at table, glancing at watch impatiently. Matt and David enter and sit.)

Sue: Guys, if you’re going to succeed in the journalism business, you’re going to have to get places on time.

Matt: But better late than never.

Sue: Let’s look at the stories you came up with over the weekend. Matt, you go first.

Matt: Okay. Here’s a story about the weather: “Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures.”

Sue: Is that the title you’re going to use?

Matt: Yeah.

Sue: But don’t you see the duh part of the headline?

Matt: (studies paper) Nope.

Sue: Oh well.

David: Where’s the well?

Sue: What?

David: You said oh well. That implies that you’re talking to a well.

Sue: David, what did you come up with?

David: An elderly lady had a great score in golf. “Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One.”

Sue: And are you planning on using that title?

David: Sure. Why not?

Sue: Matt, why don’t you list all the other ones you came up with?

Matt: A report on the latest strike: “If Strike isn’t Settled Quickly, it May Last a While.” The Boeing 747 accident: “Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Experts Say.” Health group studies: “New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group.”

David: What about my turn?

Sue: (sighs) Go ahead, David.

David: An article on cooking: “Kids Make Nutritious Snacks.” In health: “Hospitals Are Sued by Seven Foot Doctors.” The state of the schools: “Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half.”

Sue: I think you guys are just trying to make life hard for me. You’ve done nothing but goof off in class since the first day!

Matt: So sue me. Get it? SUE me! (David and Matt high-five.)

Sue: (groans)

David: But you haven’t heard all the ones we came up with yet. We just haven’t written the articles to go with them. “Miners Refuse to Work after Death.”

Matt: Or “Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy.”

David: How about “Crash Courses for Private Pilots.”

Sue: Please stop!

Matt: “Filming in Cemetery Angers Residents.”

David: Oh yeah? “Include Your Children When Baking Cookies.”

Matt: Is that a challenge? “Man Recovering After Fatal Accident!”

David: Just listen to this one! “Many Antiques at Senior Citizens’ Sale!”

Matt: “March Planned for Next August!”

David: “Man Steals Clock, Faces Time!”

Sue: Enough!

David: Not yet. “Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead!”

(All exit.)