Scripts for Skits

Something Strange Skit by Katie Heck

Something Strange Skit Cast: 2 m, 2 f, or 1 m, 3 f

Gertrude

Ethel

Harold/Harriet

Max

Props:

Teapot

Three teacups

Three chairs

Table

Tablecloth

Balloon (Note: When we performed this one, we had someone offstage blow up a balloon and let the air out by holding the balloon's neck in different positions to create the noises)

(Harold, Ethel, and Gertrude are sitting at a table. Max enters, carrying teapot, and sets it on the table. He bows and stands in the back. Ethel pours tea. Gertrude takes a sip.)

Gertrude: This tea is quite good, Ethel.

Ethel: Thank you, Gertrude. How is your new maid working out?

Gertrude: Terrible! I had to let her go.

Harold: Oh Gertrude, tell me she didn’t steal anything.

Gertrude: Of course not. I caught her using tap water for my tea.

Harold and Ethel: (Gasp)

Harold: No!

Gertrude: Yes, and she forgot to iron my curtains.

Ethel: It is so hard to find good help these days. (Max rolls his eyes.)

Harold: I know! I’m still looking for a new cook. I’ve tried so many, but their culinary skills were awful.

Ethel: Well, all I know is that I have the best butler on the earth. (Yells) Max! (Max walks over and leans

toward Ethel.) Close the window, Max, it’s time. (Max goes over and closes the window.) Shall we begin!

(Harold and Gertrude nod.) Very well. Harold, would you begin?

Harold: As you wish. (Harold focuses really hard and farts. Max waves hand in front of his nose.)

Gertrude: Oh, Harold, that was terrible!

Harold: I know, I’m so sorry, I’m so embarrassed! I can’t believe I did that!

Gertrude: Harold, you should be ashamed. (She farts really loudly. Harold and Ethel pause and look at her,

surprised. Max clutches his throat.)

Ethel: Gertrude! I didn’t know that you had it in you. That was far better than Harold, but now it’s my turn. (She farts louder and longer. The others clap with Max trying to breathe and passes out on the floor.)

Harold: Congratulations, Ethel! You made Max pass out again!

Gertrude: Yes. I say that this time we shave his eyebrows!

Ethel: That sounds nice, and I will expect your payments.

Harold: Wait! I want a rematch!

Strange Visitors Skit
by Will Schultz

Cast: 3-4 either

Props:

Book

Chair

Two guns

Phone

(1 is sitting in a chair reading a book. 4 enters carrying a sign over his head that reads “Strange Visitors” and on the back side facing A reads “Bad”.)

1: That is not a good sign. (4 turns around and show the audience the other side of the sign. He exits. W and B enter dressed as aliens.)

2: (Gibberish, slowly turns to talking as he turns a knob on his chest, turns to W): Turn your voice to Earthling Mode.

3: (Fiddles with knob on chest until B thumps W’s back. While this goes on, W says “Testing” until it can be understood.)

2: Do you remember the objective?

3: Yes.

2: OK, then. Switch that gun to “Stun”.

3: (Acts like he flips a switch on the side of the gun, walks up to the door and stands in front of it, pointing his

gun at the door.)

2: Ready?

3: (Nods)

2: Now remember, don’t shoot ME. Now, hit that doorbell.

3: (Pause) What’s a doorbell?

2: (Gives him a surprised, disgusted stare.) Don’t you remember that from Earthling Training?

3: Uhhhh. Oh! I remember now!

2: Shoot. For a minute there I was hoping that I would have to slap you to vent my…err, to jog your memory.

3: (Pulls back his left fist and punches the doorbell, ringing it but hurting his hand in the process. He drops the

gun in his right hand so he can use it to hold his left hand.) Owwww!

1: (Stands up) Who could that be? (Starts to walk to door.)

2: I meant PUSH it, not HIT it, you idiot!

3: Well, you SAID to- (A opens door. W stops talking as A stares at W and B while B and W stare at A. Then they

all scream and B grabs door and shuts it. A puts his back to door, then grabs phone, hides frantically behind

furniture, and dials while B and W converse.)

All (together): Man! That thing was weird!

2: What was that? A human? I’ve never seen anything like it!

3: I have, but only in the sci-fi movies!

2: I don’t think we want anything to do with a that weirdo from another planet! Let’s get out of here! (2 and 3 exit.)

1: I’m not lying, Officer! They were there! Honest! Two big green men right at my door! They probably would have killed me if- Hello? (Pulls phone away from ear and looks at it.)

(End scene, 1 exits.)

Western Flu  by Katie Heck
  
Western Flu Cast: 7 m, 2 f

Sheriff

Edgar

Deputy 1

Deputy 2

Miss Sunshine

Doc

Bandit’s Mom

Bandit 1

Bandit 2


Western Flu Props List:

Vault

Six guns

Blankets

Table

Chairs

Stars for Sheriff, Deputies 1 & 2

Cowboy hats, bandannas, etc.


Western Flu Scene One


(Inside an old western-style bank, Miss Sunshine is the teller, Edgar’s Mom, Mr. Sunshine, and Deputy 1 are in the bank. Doc is standing in line sneezing. Bandit comes running in.)

Edgar: This is a stick-up! Give me the money, Miss Sunshine! (Miss Sunshine, looking surprised, goes over to the vault. Doc is sneezing. Deputy 1 runs out of bank, exits.) Can’t you be quiet! If you weren’t the only doctor around here I’d, I’d…

Doc: Achoo! Edgar, what are you doing?

Edgar: Don’t call me Edgar! My new name is Snake! And don’t tell me what to do! (Sheriff and Deputies 1 & 2 walk in)

Sheriff: What is going on in here! Edgar, what are you doing?

Edgar: Stay out of this, Sheriff! I need some money and I can’t wait, now don’t move or I’ll shoot!

Sheriff: What? Shoot! Edgar, you’re not going to shoot anyone. (Deputies step towards Edgar, while Sheriff grabs gun away from him, Doc moves in between Edgar and Sheriff and sneezes on both of them.)

Sheriff: Doc, stay out of this!

Doc: Stop both of you, now no harm has been done.

Edgar’s Mom: Please let me take Edgar home. I don’t know what’s gotten into him. Sheriff, you know he is a good kid.

Sheriff: Alright, ma’am, but if I see him robbing anyone again he’s going to jail.

Edgar: (Whining): I don’t want to go home! (Mom grabs Edgar by the ear and they exit while 
Edgar tries to get away.)

(End scene, everyone exits)


Western Flu Scene Two

(Doc, Mom, and Deputy 2 are sitting at a table.)

Mom: I’ve never seen Edgar act like this before. He keeps saying he wants to be called Snake!

Deputy 2: Not to mention he has been hanging around Miss Sunshine all the time.

Doc: Well, I just hope things get better before the Sheriff has to do something dramatic. (Edgar enters)

Edgar: This is a stick-up! Give me all your cash! (Deputy 2 and Doc put their hands up)

Mom: Edgar, put that gun down!

Edgar: Sorry, Ma, I gotta. Achoo! Now please give me your money. (Sniffs, Sheriff enters)

Sheriff: Mornin’, everyone! (Coughs) What the! Edgar, this is it!

Edgar: I agree, Sheriff, this town ain’t big enough for the both of us! Achoo! (Edgar and Sheriff face each other with guns drawn)

Sheriff: (With a hacking cough) I told you, cough, cough, never to rob anyone again! (Coughs)

Edgar: Let’s pace off. (Sniffs)

Mom: Stop this both of you! This is silly! (Edgar and Sheriff turn back-to-back to pace off)

Sheriff: One, cough.

Edgar: Two! Achoo!

Sheriff: Bless you! Three! (Hacking cough)

Doc: Sheriff, Edgar, there has to be a better way.

Edgar: Four, five, six! (Big sneeze)

Sheriff: Seven, eight, (cough), nine!

Both: TEN! (Both turn. Edgar sneezes as he shoots and misses. The Sheriff is coughing so badly that he collapses on the floor. Both look at each other, trying to point their guns at each other. Doc, Deputy 2 and Mom get up. Mom goes to Edgar and gets the gun away. Deputy 2 and Doc get the Sheriff.)

Doc: Sorry, but you two are going to have to settle this later. Right now, you are going to my clinic until you are both better.

(End scene, everyone exits)



Western Flu Scene Three

(Doc, Sheriff, and Edgar are sitting at the table. Sheriff and Edgar are wrapped up in blankets. Deputies 1 & 2 are standing behind Sheriff with their arms folded, unhappy. Miss Sunshine and Mom are standing behind Edgar.)


Doc: While you are both too sick to move, I’m going to get to the bottom of this. Edgar, why are you going around robbing people?

Edgar: (Sniffs) I didn’t know what else to do. I just wanted to buy Miss Sunshine some flowers.

Sheriff: What? (Coughs) Why didn’t you just pick her come flowers for free?


Edgar: (Stops and thinks) I never thought of that.


Doc: That’s what this is all about?


Edgar: That and the gang I joined told me to. (Bandits 1 & 2 enter)


Bandit 1: This is a stick-up! Give us your money!


Bandit 2: Get up, Edgar, you’re one of us now!


Edgar: No, I don’t want to go with you, and stop yelling!


(Bandits 1 & 2 move toward the Sheriff, but Deputies 1 & 2 stop them. They struggle, but Deputies 1 & 2 stop them and take them off stage.)

Edgar: I’m glad they are gone. Mom, Doc, Sheriff, can you forgive me?


(Everyone nods yes.)


Sheriff: Doc, can I go back to bed now? (Sheriff falls asleep on the table before Doc can answer.)


(End scene, everyone exits.)