Also, there's more stuff on the Improv Games page. If you haven't checked it in awhile, now's the time (after you read this script, of course).
The Airs of the Toys: Part Two by Katie Schultz
(Manager and Barry enter. Barry sits. Manager stands at end of table.)
Manager: When is Harold going to get here?
Barry: How am I supposed to know? I’m not his keeper. (Harold enters.)
Manager: Why didn’t you come earlier?
Harold: It was too late to leave earlier.
Manager: This time, I don’t want any poker games. Understand? All right. Now, if anything is worth doing-
Barry: It would have been done already.
Manager: Come on, you guys.
Barry: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Harold: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before?
Barry: Try again.
Harold: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. Swindlers Employed for Tots, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. How does that sound?
Barry: No, it’s this: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
Harold: Oh. My next option was to be Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
Manager: Guys, quit!
Barry: Quit making quite so many quiet quilts.
Manager: Listen. The fact is that we need to get to work.
Harold: We’re here already.
Barry: What did you hear?
Harold: I heard about the Acts.
Barry: Why are you talking about a chopping tool?
Manager: You aren’t paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing?
Barry: No, I’m having trouble listening.
Manager: I’ll go walk in the aisle.
Harold: You’ll have to go a ways to get to an island.
Barry: Yes, she should go away. Then we can play poker.
Manager: Has it occurred to you that you can’t play poker with only two people?
Barry: Other people can’t, but we can.
Manager: (Crosses arms.) And just why can you do that?
Harold: “U” comes before “Y”. Didn’t you study the alphabet?
Barry: No more counting!
Manager: Barry, why did you say that?
Barry: He said, “Be four.”
Manager: We need to get on a ferry-
Harold: Ha! Fairies don’t exist!
Manager: Now, the first phase of the sequence-
Barry: I’m not fazed. Not stunned at all.
Manager: That’s quite a feat.
Harold: No, “feet” is plural. “Foot” is singular.
Barry: I have feet. Last time I checked, anyway.
Manager: I will find-
Barry: Why will you fine us? We haven’t done anything.
Manager: Exactly. As a role model-
Harold: I like cinnamon rolls.
Manager: Don’t interrupt. As an example, I am going to use Isaac Newton. He was sitting under an apple tree one day and an apple fell on his head. Thus, he discovered gravity.
Barry: So doesn’t that mean that we should be outside?
Manager: You wish. We will finish this project, or else.
Harold: I’m not Finnish.
Manager: We have been asked to write a foreword for a book.
Barry: But, relatively, aren’t we all facing forward?
Manager: That’s enough! This won’t be allowed!
Harold: But it is audible.
Barry: Won’t you assent with me, or agree, that we should leave now?
Harold: Why would I climb an ascent with you?
Manager: That’s enough! Now, you need to be discreet in what information-
Barry: (Sings.) Dis Crete…, oh, dis island of Crete…
Harold: Good one.
Manager: You need therapy! I will call a doc for you!
Harold: Why? Do we need a boat?
Manager: (Hands out papers.) Now, here’s a draft-
Barry: I do feel a draft. Is the window shut all the way?
Manager: (Sighs.) Now, here are the facts.
Harold: We have a fax here? Cool! Let’s go play with it! (Harold and Barry run offstage.)
Manager: Ever have one of those days?