How Far Is It to the Moon? skit script

As promised, a new script! This one was actually based on a conversation that Borrik Svenson and I (Captain Dreadnaught) had.

How Far Is It To The Moon? by Katie Schultz

2 either

Characters:

Borrik Svenson

Captain Dreadnaught

Props:

Two chairs

Magazine

Sign that says “Dentist the Menace”

(Borrik Svenson sits in chair, staring into space. Captain Dreadnaught enters room and sits down next to Borrik Svenson. Sign hangs on wall.)

Captain Dreadnaught: Nice day, isn’t it?

Borrik Svenson: (Grunts.)

Captain Dreadnaught: Compared to the last few days at least. Say, what are you here for? A root canal?

Borrik Svenson: (Grunts and pulls magazine up to hide face.)

Captain Dreadnaught: That’s what I’m here for. I came last month for fillings, and Dentist the
Menace said that I needed a root canal.

Borrik Svenson: (Sinks in chair.)

Captain Dreadnaught: Are you going to say anything? Or shall I keep talking?

Borrik Svenson: (Ignores Captain Dreadnaught.)

Captain Dreadnaught: Well, I WILL talk to you, even if you don’t talk to me. (Stands triumphantly.) Captain Dreadnaught never gives up!

Borrik Svenson: (Groans.)

Captain Dreadnaught: (Sits down.) So, how far is it to the moon?

Borrik Svenson: (Puts down magazine and sighs.) Long ways.

Captain Dreadnaught: I know that. How many miles is it?

Borrik Svenson: “It” is a short word. Not even a whole mile long.

Captain Dreadnaught: That’s not what I mean! How many miles is it to the moon?

Borrik Svenson: Forty-two.

Captain Dreadnaught: No, no, no! It’s much longer than that!

Borrik Svenson: But forty-two is the answer to life, the universe, and everything.

Captain Dreadnaught: (Crosses arms.) Where on earth did you learn such a crazy answer?

Borrik Svenson: Have you ever read the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy?

Captain Dreadnaught: The first six pages or so. Why?

Borrik Svenson: (Surprised.) You’ve never read the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy?

Captain Dreadnaught: No, I have not.

Borrik Svenson: Never?

Captain Dreadnaught: No! I have never read the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy! Now what is this all about, anyway?

Borrik Svenson: In that book, a supercomputer decides the answer to life, the universe, and everything to be forty-two.

Captain Dreadnaught: But it’s not the distance to the moon!

Borrik Svenson: So the distance to the moon is nothing?

Captain Dreadnaught: No!

Borrik Svenson: First you say that the answer to everything does not answer the question about the distance to the moon. Now you say that the distance to the moon is not nothing. Will you make up your mind?

Captain Dreadnaught: Yes. The answer to life, the universe, and everything, is not the answer to EVERYTHING.

Borrik Svenson: Blasphemer!

Captain Dreadnaught: All I want to do is carry on a normal conversation. Is that too much to ask?

Borrik Svenson: Hypocrite!

Captain Dreadnaught: Sheesh! Some people are so quiet! Now, let’s try this again. How far is it to the moon?

Borrik Svenson: Go look it up.

Captain Dreadnaught: (Smiles smugly.) Don’t you know the answer?

Borrik Svenson: Yes, but I prefer to read my magazine. In peace. That means no talking. (Pulls magazine up to hide face.)

Captain Dreadnaught: Aren’t you going to tell me?

Borrik Svenson: Nope.

Captain Dreadnaught: Then I will go look it up! (Leaves room.)

Borrik Svenson: Finally.

(End scene, Borrik Svenson exits.)

That's Right!

New scripts! In fact I am working on them right now!
So rember to stay tune!

New scripts coming up!

Do you like our current scripts? Are you done with them and waiting for more?

Well, our script writers (of which I am one) are at it again with some new ideas in the works. I can't give out any hints, but they will be good. Trust me on this one.

Hopefully we will have them on our blog sometime in the near future. So stay tuned!

Whoopee Cushion Infomercial Skit by Katie Heck

 Whoopee Cushion Infomercial Skit by Katie Heck

Cast: 2 either

J: Hello, everyone! I’m here with a new and improved classic novelty!

N: The classic prank of the Whoopee cushion under the chair is BACK!

Both: And smellier than ever!

J: This new product comes complete with smell.

N: So now, your friends will be blamed for breaking wind any time you want.

J: How about a little demonstration for the audience?

N: Great idea. (Blows up cushion and creates noise.)

J: Oh, that smells awful!

N: Wow, that is bad.

Both: This can be yours for only three easy payments of $5.99.

N: So call now before we pass out from the smell, 555-1234.

Something Strange Skit written by Katie Heck

Something Strange Skit by Katie Heck

Cast: 2 m, 2 f, or 1 m, 3 f

(Harold, Ethel, and Gertrude are sitting at a table. Max enters, carrying teapot, and sets it on the table. He bows and stands in the back. Ethel pours tea. Gertrude takes a sip.)

Gertrude: This tea is quite good, Ethel.

Ethel: Thank you, Gertrude. How is your new maid working out?

Gertrude: Terrible! I had to let her go.

Harold: Oh Gertrude, tell me she didn’t steal anything.

Gertrude: Of course not. I caught her using tap water for my tea.

Harold and Ethel: (Gasp)

Harold: No!

Gertrude: Yes, and she forgot to iron my curtains.

Ethel: It is so hard to find good help these days. (Max rolls his eyes.)

Harold: I know! I’m still looking for a new cook. I’ve tried so many, but their culinary skills were awful.

Ethel: Well, all I know is that I have the best butler on the earth. (Yells) Max! (Max walks over and leans toward Ethel.) Close the window, Max, it’s time. (Max goes over and closes the window.) Shall we begin! (Harold and Gertrude nod.) Very well. Harold, would you begin?

Harold: As you wish. (Harold focuses really hard and farts. Max waves hand in front of his nose.)

Gertrude: Oh, Harold, that was terrible!

Harold: I know, I’m so sorry, I’m so embarrassed! I can’t believe I did that!

Gertrude: Harold, you should be ashamed. (She farts really loudly. Harold and Ethel pause and look at her, surprised. Max clutches his throat.)

Ethel: Gertrude! I didn’t know that you had it in you. That was far better than Harold, but now it’s my turn. (She farts louder and longer. The others clap with Max trying to breathe and passes out on the floor.)

Harold: Congratulations, Ethel! You made Max pass out again!

Gertrude: Yes. I say that this time we shave his eyebrows!

Ethel: That sounds nice, and I will expect your payments.

Harold: Wait! I want a rematch!

Cologne Suprise Infomercial Skit

Cologne Surprise Infomercial Skit

Cast: 1 m, 1 f, 1 either

Version 1 written by the actors:

(Salesperson stands behind table on a street corner. Man and Woman start to walk past.)

Salesperson: (Stops Man and Woman) Whoa there! Wouldn’t you like to try this new cologne for men from Llamarama, sir?

Man: No thanks.

Salesperson: Aww, come on. This new cologne is a very MANLY scent!

Man: I said no. (Man and Woman try to move past Salesperson, but he/she sprays them both 

with the cologne.)

Man: Wow! That is a manly scent! I love it! I’ll take three bottles!

Woman: What a pretty smell! It reminds me of roses and daisies! (Salesperson packs everything up and quickly moves off)

Man: Somehow, I think we’ve just been duped.

Version 2 written by Katie Heck:

(Man and Woman sit in chairs, blindfolded. Salesperson enters with cologne bottle.)

Salesperson: Hello everyone, my name is (Name) and I am here to tell you about a great product (holds up cologne bottle) Llamarama Cologne for men. Now, this cologne is one of a kind. This 

men’s cologne is a very manly scent, and to prove my point I will have this brave volunteer tell you what he smells. (Salesperson walks over to Man and sprays some cologne.)

Man: Wow! That is a manly scent! I love it! I’ll take three bottles!

Salesperson: See, this is one of a kind. Now let’s see what our female volunteer thinks of this. (Salesperson walks over to Woman and sprays cologne.)

Woman: What a pretty smell! It reminds me of roses and daisies!

Salesperson: (Looks surprised) Ummm, that’s all the time we have for today. Remember, for just $39.99 this cologne could be yours. Just call 555-1234.

Knife Infomercial Skit by Katie Heck

Knife Infomercial Skit by Katie Heck

(A and B enter stage with knife.)

A: Hello, I’m (name).

B: And I’m (name).

Both: And we’re here to tell you about the new Llamarama Indestructible Knife!

A: It slices (Demonstrates knife)-

B: It dices-

Both: And it will never break!

A: Are you thinking this is too good to be true?

B: Are you wondering just how much a knife like this would cost?

Both: Well we will tell you-

A: This knife is made from a new steel that will never break, rust, or get dull.

B: And if you call within the next ten minutes, it can be yours for only ten payments $5.99!

 

Both: This is a once-in-a-lifetime offer! SO CALL NOW!

B: Call 555-1234 (Finger motions to show numbers) now! Once again, that’s 555-1234! (Finger motions again. A test knife one more time to prove it can’t break and it snaps in half.)

A: (Throws knife away) Ummm…And if you call in the next five minutes, we will throw in the Indestructible fork and spoon! (Both have big fake smile.)

(End scene, both exit)