How Far Is It to the Moon? skit script

As promised, a new script! This one was actually based on a conversation that Borrik Svenson and I (Captain Dreadnaught) had.

How Far Is It To The Moon? by Katie Schultz

2 either

Characters:

Borrik Svenson

Captain Dreadnaught

Props:

Two chairs

Magazine

Sign that says “Dentist the Menace”

(Borrik Svenson sits in chair, staring into space. Captain Dreadnaught enters room and sits down next to Borrik Svenson. Sign hangs on wall.)

Captain Dreadnaught: Nice day, isn’t it?

Borrik Svenson: (Grunts.)

Captain Dreadnaught: Compared to the last few days at least. Say, what are you here for? A root canal?

Borrik Svenson: (Grunts and pulls magazine up to hide face.)

Captain Dreadnaught: That’s what I’m here for. I came last month for fillings, and Dentist the
Menace said that I needed a root canal.

Borrik Svenson: (Sinks in chair.)

Captain Dreadnaught: Are you going to say anything? Or shall I keep talking?

Borrik Svenson: (Ignores Captain Dreadnaught.)

Captain Dreadnaught: Well, I WILL talk to you, even if you don’t talk to me. (Stands triumphantly.) Captain Dreadnaught never gives up!

Borrik Svenson: (Groans.)

Captain Dreadnaught: (Sits down.) So, how far is it to the moon?

Borrik Svenson: (Puts down magazine and sighs.) Long ways.

Captain Dreadnaught: I know that. How many miles is it?

Borrik Svenson: “It” is a short word. Not even a whole mile long.

Captain Dreadnaught: That’s not what I mean! How many miles is it to the moon?

Borrik Svenson: Forty-two.

Captain Dreadnaught: No, no, no! It’s much longer than that!

Borrik Svenson: But forty-two is the answer to life, the universe, and everything.

Captain Dreadnaught: (Crosses arms.) Where on earth did you learn such a crazy answer?

Borrik Svenson: Have you ever read the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy?

Captain Dreadnaught: The first six pages or so. Why?

Borrik Svenson: (Surprised.) You’ve never read the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy?

Captain Dreadnaught: No, I have not.

Borrik Svenson: Never?

Captain Dreadnaught: No! I have never read the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy! Now what is this all about, anyway?

Borrik Svenson: In that book, a supercomputer decides the answer to life, the universe, and everything to be forty-two.

Captain Dreadnaught: But it’s not the distance to the moon!

Borrik Svenson: So the distance to the moon is nothing?

Captain Dreadnaught: No!

Borrik Svenson: First you say that the answer to everything does not answer the question about the distance to the moon. Now you say that the distance to the moon is not nothing. Will you make up your mind?

Captain Dreadnaught: Yes. The answer to life, the universe, and everything, is not the answer to EVERYTHING.

Borrik Svenson: Blasphemer!

Captain Dreadnaught: All I want to do is carry on a normal conversation. Is that too much to ask?

Borrik Svenson: Hypocrite!

Captain Dreadnaught: Sheesh! Some people are so quiet! Now, let’s try this again. How far is it to the moon?

Borrik Svenson: Go look it up.

Captain Dreadnaught: (Smiles smugly.) Don’t you know the answer?

Borrik Svenson: Yes, but I prefer to read my magazine. In peace. That means no talking. (Pulls magazine up to hide face.)

Captain Dreadnaught: Aren’t you going to tell me?

Borrik Svenson: Nope.

Captain Dreadnaught: Then I will go look it up! (Leaves room.)

Borrik Svenson: Finally.

(End scene, Borrik Svenson exits.)