The Philosophies of Play-Doh

Here's another script I whipped up. This one also came from a conversation between Borrik Svenson and I (anyone notice a pattern here?). Also, it sounds like we'll be performing again (I'm not completely sure when). After the casting is settled, I'll post it here.

The Philosophies of Play-Doh by Katie Schultz

Cast:

Prof

Tom

Dick

Harry

Props:

Table

4 chairs

Stack of papers

(Prof is sitting at table, looking through stack of papers.)

Prof: Finally! My last semester! Retirement is in sight! I won’t have to teach every Tom, Dick, and Harry to appreciate the classics!

(Tom enters and sits.)

Tom: Hi ya. I guess I’m kinda early.

Prof: (looks at watch) Only five minutes. You’re cutting it pretty close.

Tom: Well, I had to finish watching Star Wars! It’s a classic!

(Dick enters and sits.)

Dick: What’s this about Star Wars?

Tom: I was just telling Dr. Whats’isname that it’s a classic!

Dick: You’ve got that right!

Prof: Have a seat. We’ll wait for (glances at watch) two more minutes. (mutters) If my students actually got places a little earlier, maybe we could start on time!

Tom: (To Dick) I’ve got Jones in speech. Boy, is he tough! He expects me to do the assignments and return them to him in only a week!

Dick: I know! I had him last semester.

(Harry enters and sits.)

Prof: Welcome, everyone. Let’s go around the table and introduce ourselves. You can call me Professor Hertz.

Tom: I’m Tom.

Dick: I’m Dick.

Harry: I’m Harry.

Prof: I’m glad that you’re all here today. (Hands out papers) This is the course syllabus. We’ll be selecting four novels from the list provided. We’ll read a book every four weeks and talk about it. At the end of the course, you’ll write an analysis of your favorite one. Any questions?

Tom: I see you have David Ironfield on this list. Don’t you think it’s a bit heavy?

Prof: No.

Harry: The Philosophies of Play-Doh. Isn’t that a bit light?

Prof: I didn’t put- oh. You mean The Philosophies of Plato. That’s one of my favorite ones.

Dick: You have Toby Dick. That’s my name! Did someone write an illegal biography?

Prof: (sighs) This will be a long semester. From looking at the titles, can you see any that you really want to read?

Tom:  Nope.

Prof: So what books are least objectionable to you?

Tom: Actually, they’re all pretty bad.

Prof: This will be a very long semester. Look. You have to pass this class. To do that, you have to pick four books, write an analysis about one of them, and get an A on said analysis. Got it?

Harry: Look. How about we read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, then watch the movie and eat popcorn?

Dick: I vote we make it corn chips.

Prof: No! I’m paid to teach you to appreciate the classics. I’m going to make you love the classics, whether you want to or not! (short pause) Now then. Let’s read Starship Down, Small Expectations, War and Pieces of Pie, and Non-Gender Specific, African-American Family Robinson. Got it?

Tom: I have small expectations.

Prof: Good. Then you won’t have to buy it. Now then, we’ll start with-

(Tom gets up to leave)

Prof: Where are you going?

Tom: Gotta fly. My soap “This is Your Wife” is on now. (Exits)

Dick: Oh, thanks for the reminder. (Gets up) “As the Stomach Churns” is on. (Exits)

Prof: (looks at Harry) I suppose you have a show to watch too?

Harry: Yup. They’re showing “Rocky and Bullwinkle”, and I just have to see it. (Exits)

Prof: Chinese water torture is nothing compared to teaching. (Exits)