Behind the Scenes Take Two

This script is a heavily modified version of Behind the Scenes. This script also takes only 5 people instead of 6.

Behind the Scenes Take Two by Katie Schultz

Cast:

Katie

Will

Adam

Robert

Billy

Props:

Table

5 chairs

Pick Me Up book

2 plates of cookies

Whiteboard

Whiteboard marker

Whiteboard eraser

(Katie and Will enter and sit down. Table has Pick Me Up and a plate of cookies on it.)

Katie: So when do you think everyone will get here?

Will: Practice starts at 2, right?

Katie: (nods)

Will: So Adam and Robert will probably get here about 2:20, and Billy at about 2:35.

Katie. Okay. I bet a Hershey’s bar that Adam and Robert will get here at 2:15, and Billy at 2:30.

Will: That’s too optimistic.

(Knocking backstage.)

Will: It’s Adam and Robert.

Katie: Ha! I won the bet!

Will: Not according to my watch.

(More knocking backstage. Will gets up and answers door. Will, Adam, and Robert enter and sit. Robert picks up and begins reading Pick Me Up.)

Katie: Shall we start doing improv?

Adam: But we can’t do it without Billy.

Katie (sighs) It’s possible to do improv when one of the people in this group is missing. Also, if we do improv, we can have some cookies Mom made. (holds up plate of cookies)

Robert: I love this book! (holds book so audience can see cover)

(short pause)

Will: Moving on…

Katie: Yes. Now, the first script we should practice-

(Knocking at door)

Katie: I’ll get it. It’s a Jehovah’s Witness, and I love arguing with them. Be right back. (she leaves)

Will: (yells after her) But it’s MY turn!

Adam: You guys are nuts.

Will: Yes, but we enjoy it.

Adam: So are we going to play Capture the Flag?

Will: I don’t know.

Robert: Did you know that Russia has more billionaires than any country except the US and Germany?

Adam: Hand me the book.

Robert: What?

Adam: (grabs book and puts it backstage) There.

Robert: But it says “Pick Me Up”.

Katie: (enters) That was fun! I wish they came out here more often!

Robert: What did you do?

Katie: Deconstructed all his theories, showed him where the leaps of logic were, and sent him on his way.

(Knocking at door)

Will: My turn! (exits, comes back with Billy, both sit. Billy puts plate of cookies on table.)

Billy: Hi all. My mom said to bring these cookies to you. If there are any left, she’s gonna kill me.

Adam: So we eat as much as we can hold?

Billy: Yup.

Will: (glares at Adam) Like that time we had cookies a few months ago and you ate, like, ten?

Adam: They were good cookies!

Robert: They might have been, but we’ll never know because you ate them all. You even ate the plate!

Katie: Focus, guys, focus.

Robert: Ford, guys, Ford! I love that line!

Katie: I can’t believe you still know it. Anyway, we have work to do. Did anyone practice their scripts this week? (silence) Nobody? What am I going to do with you?

Adam: Give us your mom’s cookies?

Katie: Aspirin, aspirin, my kingdom for an aspirin!

(Billy walks behind whiteboard. Will starts drawing lungs.)

Billy: They look like scissors.

Adam: You’ve got scissors for lungs?

Will: Had any stabbing pains lately?

Robert: Where’s his heart?

Adam: He’s heartless.

Billy: I need a gallbladder.

Katie: No, you don’t. You don’t have any gall.

Will: Let’s see…liver, pancreas, wait. What does a pancreas look like?

Billy: This is very educational.

Adam: Should he have a spleen?

Will: Probably. He should also have a small intestine. There’s no room for the large one.

Robert: He needs a stomach. But since you don’t have any room, I think you’ll have to put his lungs inside his stomach.

Katie: That’s some pretty severe acid reflux!

Will: Let’s see…in your stomach you have a whole apple core, a baseball, and a hammer. (hands Billy a cookie) Here you go.

Billy: Is this your mom’s or my mom’s?

Adam: Who cares?

Will: (steps back) Wow. You are messed up, dude.

Katie: I hate to interrupt you guys, but we really need to start working on scripts.

Adam: NOOOO!

Katie: Come on, Adam. It’s not that hard. Besides, the sooner we get done, the sooner we can do improv or play Capture the Flag, whichever we choose.

Will: I thought we were already doing improv.

(Will and Billy sit down)

Robert and Adam: Me too.

Billy: All right. Let’s get those scripts done. Then we can go play Capture the Flag.

Robert: Do we have bandanas?

Billy: I’ve got one. I asked Bobby for the other one and he said some very mean things about me.

Will: I think we’ve got one. Don’t we, Katie?

Katie: Probably. But we can only play Capture the Flag if we do the scripts.

(Everyone groans.)

Katie: Adam, Robert, Billy, let’s do the Journalism script. Will, watch what we do and point out where it could be better. Why don’t you laugh at certain places too, so we get used to waiting for the audience’s reaction?

Adam: Why don’t we just go outside now?

Will: We might as well.

Billy: We could practice outside.

Katie: No, we get really distracted when we’re out there. Let’s just do these scripts, then we can goof off.

Adam: Let’s vote for team captains!

Katie: Now?! But we’ve got stuff to do!

Adam: Yes, we do. Put on your shoes, everyone, and let’s go! (Will, Billy, Adam, and Robert exit)

Katie: Trying to convince teenagers to focus is like trying to nail Jello to a tree! (exits)