The Revenge of the Seniors

Hello,

If you've been waiting for another script from us, wait no longer! I'm posting this one and another one, and Borrik Svenson has one he wrote, so when he posts it (glares in his direction) you'll have plenty of material! 

The Revenge of the Seniors by Katie Schultz

Cast:

Sensei

Old

Older

Oldest

Agent

Thug

Props:

Cane

Wheelchair

Newspaper

Gun (a Nerf gun will work)

Scene One:

(Old is standing, but slumped over. Older is using a cane. Oldest is sitting in a wheelchair. Sensei enters.)

Sensei: Now, as part of your activities here at Pushin’ Up The Daisies Senior Center, I will teach a Tung Soo Doo class.

Oldest: But I’m in a wheelchair.

Older: And I’m using a cane.

Old: I’ve got really bad arthritis in hips; I can hardly walk.

Sensei: Well, you can all do at least a couple punches, even if you can’t do any kicks. Since we already warmed up, we’ll start with a front punch. It looks like this (does a front punch). Remember to keep your thumb from sticking out. One! (Nobody does anything.) No, no, no. When I say “One!” you punch like I just did. One! (Everyone punches.) Good. Punch so that, if you were standing opposite some who was your exact height, your fist would hit their nose. Two! (Everyone punches. Agent enters.)

Agent: Hello. I see that you are doing karate. Do you need Swindled Seniors health insurance? It’s only 3000 yen for one month’s health insurance. If you lose a leg, we help you look for it. If you die, we send a condolence card to your family. Any takers? Remember, it’s ONLY 3000 yen! This is a limited time offer- (Sensei pushes Agent out.)

Sensei: Now then, back to the lesson. Remember, put some power behind your punches! Three! (Everyone punches.)Four! (Everyone punches.)

Older: Can we stop now? It’s time for my afternoon nap.

Old: Besides, I’ve got a bridge game to go to.

Oldest: (Cups hand to ear.) What did you say?

Old: (Loudly.) Bridge! I’ve got a bridge game!

Oldest: The bridge is falling down, you say? Oh no!

Older: No! That’s not what he said!

Oldest: What are you talking about now? We need to do something about the bridge! (Sensei shrugs, leaves.) Don’t you realize what a catastrophe this is?

Old: (Really loud.) The bridge is NOT falling down. I only have a bridge game.

Oldest: Well, why didn’t you just say so?

(All exit.)

Scene Two:

(Old is standing, slumped over, reading a newspaper. Thug enters.)

Thug: Hey, old man. How’s it going, dude?

Old: Did you see this story about the new library?

Thug: Who cares about libraries? (Pulls out gun.) Stick ‘em down, pal.

Old: Don’t you mean, “Stick ‘em up”?

Thug: No wonder I haven’t stolen anything yet. (Holsters gun.) Let’s try this again. (Pulls out gun.) Stick ‘em up, pal.

Old: I won’t.

Thug: Tough beans, then. (Starts a front punch. Old blocks it and knocks him to the ground. Thug is unconscious.)

Old: Don’t mess with me. (Old exits.)

Thug: (Sits up, dazed.) I won’t try him again.

(Thug exits.)

Scene Three:

(Older is slowly hobbling along street. Thug enters.)

Thug: Whatcha up to, pal?

Older: Just walking to lunch to eat with some of my friends.

Thug: (Pulls out gun.) Not right now, you’re not. Put ‘em up.

Older: Remember to enunciate. Say, “them”, not “‘em”. (To himself.) Young whippersnappers! Back in my day, we had to pronounce everything right. But now, these crazy kids get away with everything! (To Thug.) Who are you, anyway?

Thug: Oscar, a representative of Swindlers R Us.

Older: Can I see your identification?

Thug: Sure. (Thug reaches into pocket. Older knocks him to the ground. Thug is unconscious.)

Older: Not the brightest crayon in the box. (Older hobbles offstage. Thug sits up, dazed.)

Thug: This feels like déjà vu.

(Thug exits.)

Scene Four:

(Oldest is sitting in wheelchair, dozing. Thug enters.)

Thug: What’s up, old man?

Oldest: The sky.

Thug: Enough with the wisecracks. Put ‘em up.

Oldest: (Cups hand to ear.) What did you say?

Thug: (Loudly.) I said, “Put ‘em up!”

Oldest: Eh?

Thug: (Really loudly.) Put your hands up!

Oldest: Why? Are you the police!

Thug: It doesn’t matter who you think I am! Just put your hands up!

Oldest: Younglings speak so quietly these days.

Thug: Just put your hands up! I need to rob you and get away quickly! (Oldest cups hand to ear. Thug walks closer to him to shout in his ear. Oldest punches Thug to the ground. Thug is unconscious.)

Oldest: Somebody needed to be taught a lesson! (Oldest wheels out. Thug sits up, dazed.)

Thug: Third time’s the charm! (Falls unconscious again, then gets up and exits.)