The Airs of the Toys Part Two

I've been at it again! These scripts full of puns are fun to write. I might just write a Part Three (Translation: Probably).

Also, there's more stuff on the Improv Games page. If you haven't checked it in awhile, now's the time (after you read this script, of course).

The Airs of the Toys: Part Two by Katie Schultz

Cast:

Manager

Harold

Barry

Props:

Two chairs

Table

Two papers

(Manager and Barry enter. Barry sits. Manager stands at end of table.)

Manager: When is Harold going to get here?

Barry: How am I supposed to know? I’m not his keeper. (Harold enters.)

Manager: Why didn’t you come earlier?

Harold: It was too late to leave earlier.

Manager: This time, I don’t want any poker games. Understand? All right. Now, if anything is worth doing-

Barry: It would have been done already.

Manager: Come on, you guys.

Barry: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Harold: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before?

Barry: Try again.

Harold: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. Swindlers Employed for Tots, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. How does that sound?

Manager: Stop!

Barry: No, it’s this: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Harold: Oh. My next option was to be Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

Manager: Guys, quit!

Barry: Quit making quite so many quiet quilts.

Manager: Listen. The fact is that we need to get to work.

Harold: We’re here already.

Barry: What did you hear?

Harold: I heard about the Acts.

Barry: Why are you talking about a chopping tool?

Manager: You aren’t paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing?

Barry: No, I’m having trouble listening.

Manager: I’ll go walk in the aisle.

Harold: You’ll have to go a ways to get to an island.

Barry: Yes, she should go away. Then we can play poker.

Manager: Has it occurred to you that you can’t play poker with only two people?

Barry: Other people can’t, but we can.

Manager: (Crosses arms.) And just why can you do that?

Harold: “U” comes before “Y”. Didn’t you study the alphabet?

Barry: No more counting!

Manager: Barry, why did you say that?

Barry: He said, “Be four.”

Manager: We need to get on a ferry-

Harold: Ha! Fairies don’t exist!

Manager: Now, the first phase of the sequence-

Barry: I’m not fazed. Not stunned at all.

Manager: That’s quite a feat.

Harold: No, “feet” is plural. “Foot” is singular.

Barry: I have feet. Last time I checked, anyway.

Manager: I will find-

Barry: Why will you fine us? We haven’t done anything.

Manager: Exactly. As a role model-

Harold: I like cinnamon rolls.

Manager: Don’t interrupt. As an example, I am going to use Isaac Newton. He was sitting under an apple tree one day and an apple fell on his head. Thus, he discovered gravity.

Barry: So doesn’t that mean that we should be outside?

Manager: You wish. We will finish this project, or else.

Harold: I’m not Finnish.

Manager: We have been asked to write a foreword for a book.

Barry: But, relatively, aren’t we all facing forward?

Manager: That’s enough! This won’t be allowed!

Harold: But it is audible.

Barry: Won’t you assent with me, or agree, that we should leave now?

Harold: Why would I climb an ascent with you?

Manager: That’s enough! Now, you need to be discreet in what information-

Barry: (Sings.) Dis Crete…, oh, dis island of Crete…

Harold: Good one.

Manager: You need therapy! I will call a doc for you!

Harold: Why? Do we need a boat?

Manager: (Hands out papers.) Now, here’s a draft-

Barry: I do feel a draft. Is the window shut all the way?

Manager: (Sighs.) Now, here are the facts.

Harold: We have a fax here? Cool! Let’s go play with it! (Harold and Barry run offstage.)

Manager: Ever have one of those days?

(Manager exits.)